Let's see if I can actually get this up and going. Wish me luck!

I have had trouble with my back since I was really young. I was told I had scoliosis when I was about 10 years old. But it hasn't really been a problem for me until the last 10 years. But has really been a problem for me in the last year or so.

I have finally gotten some help with my back pain. I have been on morphine for the last year. I don't want to live like this and after having done all the Drs have asked me to do they finally sent me to a surgeon.

So here are my options....

* Live with the pain

*Use a morphine pump (implanted)

*Surgery



HMMM! I don't want to live with this kind of pain. So I have opted for surgery and this was no easy chose either. My surgery will be very intense and the team is pretty good sized.

The surgery is about 8 hours long and I will be in the hospital for a week and in rehab for about 3 days.

I am hoping to have pictures to show everyone so you get an idea of how bad the curve in my back is. Bruce was shocked to see the x-rays!

My spine will be fused from the bottom to about the middle of my shoulder blades! I will no longer be able to bend at the waist or twist at the waist. I will still have movement in my shoulders. So that should help a lot.

I walk around the house pretending I can't bend and so what that might be like. It isn't gonna be easy. They will have to teach my how to balance and how to pick up objects. How to put on my shoes and dress myself. This will be a huge change in a lot of how I do things.

Many people have expressed their shock at my willingness to do this type of surgery. But let me explain something to you. I hurt every single day. I watch Bruce doing so many things that I should be doing and can't. Laundry - dishes - cooking - walking - bike riding - car rides - vacationing - and the list goes on and on.

Basically I watch TV and use my computer. I planted one plant in the garden and spent the next 2 hours in bed. I play Bunco 2 times a month and recuperate for 3 days. I want to cook a meal but have to sit every 5 minutes because the pain becomes too much. Some days I can't shower because it hurts to stand that long.

I feel like a whiner saying all these things. But I want people to understand my quality of life at this point is not very enjoyable. Bruce is hoping to retire in December but it will depend on how the outcome of the surgery. We want to travel and have some wonderful adventures together. It has been a long time coming and I want to make the most of it.

My Dr said he can NOT stop all my pain. He said that he can make it so it isn't the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. But instead maybe the 10 thing I think of. For me, that will make surgery for me a huge success. He said that there is a 20% failure rate! But there is also an 80% success rate. Dr Jenkins said that I will be able to swim again and also bike ride!

I have been doing a lot of praying about this. This was not an easy thing to decide. I am so very scared. But know I have special guardian angels watching over me. And that brings me comfort.

Bruce has been such a wonderful support for me. He never complains after working 10 hours and then coming home and fixing dinner or doing the laundry or any number of things that need to be done that I can't do.